Feasting

An idyllic setting

Cheese platter to start the gourmet getaway




In-room champers

Farmhouse Inn in Forestville, a tiny town whose center I have yet to visit, is a place the sight of which invites child-like raptures. The drive alone is enough to make stress and disappointment turn to feelings of delightful anticipation the likes of which you may not have experienced since your 7th birthday. That is because the drive lures you along twisty roads, cutting through forest and overlooking row upon row of grapes, over beautiful one lane bridges, past deliciously tucked away houses covered in ivy, inviting you in for a free glass of wine. In other words an adult’s Hansel and Gretel, but who needs the crumbs to lead the way back. Once you’ve arrived at your destination and turned into the gravel driveway it seems like you’ve come to a house made of lemon drops and inhabited by fairies and elves all of them exceptionally clean, welcoming and shamelessly enamored of sweets. This is Farmhouse Inn.

We were first introduced to the restaurant by a friend and came back time and time again on special occasions to bask in salted pear ravioli with parmesan cheese, rabbit done 3 ways, faultless chocolate soufflé and an incredible cheese course, not to mention an excellent wine list which allows you to either continue your California wine tasting tour or venture further over the globe. After being married for two and a half months, it was time for us to have a mini honeymoon so we decided to not only eat, but this time also stay at Farmhouse Inn. We booked a Monday and Tuesday night, which were accompanied by a package called “The Gourmet Getaway”, a five-course dinner at Farmhouse on Monday followed by another five-course dinner at Cyrus in Healdsburg the next day.

Upon check in we were invited to partake of the complimentary bath goodies and homemade gourmet s’mores available in limitless quantities to all guests. In our cozy butter yellow room we discovered that all our comforts were likewise thought of. There was a ready supply of firewood for the fireplace (unfortunately it was a 90 degree couple of days) and a flashlight plugged in, charged and ready for us to use if we chose to wonder over the grounds after dark. There was a tiny white box of chocolate-covered caramels on the bed, notes of welcome from both the housekeeper and the owners and a bag of fresh made cookies on the desk with an invitation to nibble them as a midnight snack accompanied by the cold milk in the refrigerator. Unlike big, commercial hotels that try to wring as much extra money from you as they can by leaving a tempting box of goodies in plain sight and then gouging you with $6 for a bottle of water and $10 to use the internet cord, the goal of this luxurious bed and breakfast is to leave its patrons glowing with contentment. The milk, water, cookies, s’mores, Italian Sodas and various soaps and bath salts are all free and of the highest quality and the bottles of wine left in the room are priced the way they would be at the local vineyards.

Once we finished delighting in all the little touches, we had to try the in-room sauna. Armed with brown sugar scrub, we wallowed in the rare luxury of having a dry, wooden sauna directly in our room. Whatever stress remained rolled off our backs as we dozed in glorious comfort. To top off the experience we went from sauna to spacious whirlpool tub in the bathroom, filling it up with fragrant lavender salts and almost regretting the 7pm dinner reservation that was approaching faster than we thought possible. After so much relaxation it was difficult to coax our bodies back to their solid forms from the liquid ooze they’d become, but at last we succeeded.

It was a delight to wonder across the gravel and grass grounds overhung with dusk and finally growing cooler, knowing the delicious meal that lay ahead. The restaurant is far more serious than the rest of the property, leaning away from the cozy elegance of woodland elves to something more strict and hotel-like. The walls are an austere taupe with cream accents, but the friendliness of the staff makes one feel welcome in a space that might otherwise be a bit intimidating. As an appetite teaser we were served a little spoonful of chopped, raw salmon. It had the effect of waking us up from the sauna-induced stupor and making us aware that we were indeed hungry. The first warm course was a porcini mushroom soup, which was creamy and delicious. The mushroom taste was highlighted by a hint of toasted curry powder. This was followed by succulent lobster salad on a bed of sweet corn and finished with a smoky and tender roasted squab dish. Although the dinner was excellent, I was saddened by the fact that we were given no chance to make substitutions from the full menu. I was really looking forward to having the rabbit as an entrée and would have gladly paid extra to substitute it for the squab. No doubt I would have been accommodated had I asked, but I felt uncomfortable and did not want to be troublesome since no choice was offered.

The only other slight disappointment of the evening was the sommelier, who seemed incredibly attentive to the rest of the dining room, but was brief with us at best. I wanted to do a wine pairing with my dinner and while the pairings were lovely I felt they were unadventurous and ones I could have easily chosen myself had I known they would come from the rather limited wines by the glass menu. My favorite combination was the “Les Clos” Chablis with the mushroom soup; the only pairing that came from the half bottles list. When my lobster salad arrived it came without the accompanying wine or any attention from the sommelier, a fact quickly observed and remedied by the very attentive maitre’d, who brought me my next pairing, but departed without telling me what it was. This omission was once again quickly remedied by our waiter who seemed just as knowledgeable and more willing to talk to us than the sommelier had been. The tasty, although once again predictable pinot noir from the wines by the glass menu was the last thing brought to me by the sommelier who expounded on its virtues briefly, but seemed rather in a hurry when I asked him a question about a local winery we were interested in trying the next day.

The dinner was overall delightful, topped off by a chocolate soufflé, light as a dandelion spore and a more grounding cheese course with which we decided to do a separate wine pairing. This was composed and brought to us exclusively by our lovely waiter, the glass of pinot noir being the last time we saw our sommelier that night. We ended up being the last ones in the dining room as we took our time enjoying the cheeses and the wines and were glad to have only a short roll of a walk back to our cottage.

Having gone to bed early and fallen asleep instantly we had little trouble waking up in time for our 9:30-10am breakfast window. This is yet another luscious treat provided by the inn. Breakfast is complimentary and delectable and we sat outside enjoying the sunshine, drinking fresh coffee and indulging in blueberry French toast, which was the main breakfast course (you get to pick between a sweet and a savory dish each morning) following a fruit bowl and a tender baked treat warm from the oven (that day an apricot scone.)

Farmhouse Inn is the way I imagine Titania and Oberon to be living on a daily basis. Except for us what would otherwise be the softest spiderwebs have been transformed into luxurious linens and cups of morning dew and honeyed hay into coffee and warm pastries. It is no wonder that the staff exude warmth and fairy-like contentment, they get to spend their days surrounded by a garden of flowers and herbs, a pool in the shade of old trees with a hilly view, and cottages that look like they’re made to lure small children. Our honeymoon was very short, but very sweet, so sweet in fact that my only regret was simply not being able to fit a toasted gourmet s’more into a day overflowing with too many gourmet delights, but that will have to be remedied by a return visit sometime in the not too distant future.

Fasting...

Foie gras profitroles at Le Pigeon in Portland

Something Delicious on Toast, Oliveto's, Oakland

Foie gras on top of a jelly doughnut

Duck gnocchi

Fried green tomatoes in Ashland, OR

After the most indulgent month I’ve had in a long time, (I mean you only get married once, right?) I decided to finally take the plunge and do a cleanse. To give you an idea of the type of month it was, in a span of 10 days we ate at Oliveto’s upstairs, Chez Panisse downstairs, Chez Panisse upstairs, Dona Tomas, Flora, Mua, The Paragon, Sushi Zone, Hog Island Oyster Co., and Cesar. After feasting all over the Bay Area, my cousin Dasha and I went on a road trip to Oregon where we continued to eat really well. Believe me I’m not complaining, but I own too many cute clothes for them to stop fitting. So since moderation is an art I’m still finessing, rather than slow down gently, I decided to pull the emergency brake and do the controversial Master Cleanse. The Master Cleanse is where you stop eating altogether and just drink a mixture of lemon juice, cayenne pepper and maple syrup for the duration of your choosing, up to 40 days (I hear).

My goal was ten days, but I ended up doing seven with two days easing in and 3 days easing out, a total of 12 days of not eating solid food. The first day was really easy. There was so much food accumulated in my system that my body didn’t even miss not having much for a day. Besides, the first day I was allowed to eat fruits and vegetables so it really wasn’t too bad. Day two was considerably worse. I was allowed to have fruit and vegetable juice, but it was like going through withdrawal, which got worse as the day went on. When Alex came home and had his dinner of Spaghetti and Meatballs I thought I was going to cry or wrestle the meatball from his mouth, but I didn’t do either. Day three was painful, but already less so and by day four I felt great, at least in the morning.

When you’re not eating you realize how big a role food plays in your life. It is much more than three half-hour long meals a day. You structure your whole day around it both physically and psychologically whether you know it or not. I found it liberating not to have to worry about breakfast and lunch. Waking up in the morning was easier on an empty stomach and I sprung out of bed light as a dandelion spore and well rested. I enjoyed the ritual of squeezing the lemons and mixing in the syrup and pepper, knowing that I had all I needed for the rest of the day. I felt meditative, monk-like with a clear head and it was great to sit at the computer and write while sipping water, tea or my concoction. But once shadows grew longer and I began to wait for Alex to come home, the trial began. The darker it grew outside the more I wanted the warmth and comfort of food. My sense of smell became incredibly acute and I could tell what the neighbors a block away were having for dinner. I could barely stand to be in the same room as food and often had to go away while Alex was eating. My tongue felt grainy and tasted sour and no amount of water could make it go away. I realized how much psychological comfort dinner provided and how tied it was with getting to see your partner after work. I realized that dinner was the equivalent of a long, luxurious sigh appreciating the fact that the workday is over and it’s time to rest. Not being able to participate, I felt powerfully alone and disconnected from the world, a stranger peering through the cozy windows of another’s house.

While this diet is very good for dealing with issues mental or physical and being alone, it is not good for being around people. The weekends were very difficult and we found ourselves embarrassingly at a loss for what to do. It’s not that our whole life consists of eating and drinking, but that the two activities are essential backgrounds for so many other things. We couldn’t see other people because eventually they’d want to share a meal, and our usual long weekend walks just weren’t as fun now that we couldn’t stop for an ice cream or a drink along the way somewhere. The only thing that seemed to gain value through these couple of weeks were movies. They were the few happy hours when I could fully stop thinking about eating and be transported to a different world.

By day 5 of drinking only the ‘lemonade’ I started to hate it. Water was fine and I didn’t really feel hunger, but the lemonade was harder and harder to get down. So I started to experiment, watering it down or trying to skip one of the bottles. This was a mistake. While drinking lemonade I didn’t feel hunger, and although it didn’t seem filling, it was doing its job. As soon as I stopped drinking as much as I was supposed to the hunger kicked back in tenfold and I started to feel sick. Everything I’d read about the cleanse told me that hunger was a sign that it was time to stop so I did. But easing back in three days earlier than planned in the end felt like a defeat.

While during the cleanse I felt great in the mornings after the 2nd day and had plenty of energy for athletic activities, at night I felt unwell, although the unwellness was more psychological. After starting to eat again, I felt no long-term benefits, even though I felt like I was eating more consciously and healthfully overall. One big negative is that this process kills your metabolism, and even though the first week I ate practically nothing, I put on weight every day. By the end of the week this unpleasant phenomenon stopped and I’ve been able to eat normally, but I still feel like my metabolism has not fully recovered.

Overall I feel that it was a worthy exercise in self-control and a good reminder about what a big role food plays in my life. I’ve kept two thirds of the weight I’d lost off, so that’s a nice bonus and it does help to curve bad habits. It is a good thing to do if you find yourself too addicted to a particular food, if you can’t stop eating cheese or sweets or bread for example. I think it is a good New Year’s or birthday resolution to kick start a healthier year. But I did not feel real long-term benefits. Perhaps they were too subtle or maybe I just didn’t do it long enough. But in my opinion, it is just as good if not better to do something easier weekly, such as deciding on a day where you eat only fruits and vegetables or drink fresh juices. It is also helpful to make a point of eating less meat, dairy and sugar the rest of the week. I’m glad I did it. I’m glad it’s over. And I would only recommend it for those who don’t have to be around other eating people all day long because that’s just sheer torture.